One of THOSE neighbours....

I have a Linden home.

Some time back when where and with whom I would live was all a bit up in the air, Linden launched the free-homes-for-premium-members scheme and I reasoned that it compared well with renting and I’d never risk the landlady going AWOL or just plain evicting me.

Linden homes are good. If you like modern housing and estate living that is low maintenance they are great and have some nice little touches too. But if you’ve read much of this blog you’ll know that my housing whims have ranged from Dutch Ponder House, through New Orleans French Colonial, a Castle and currently a Greek Villa. However a change is always nice and I do occasionally use my Linden home – the contrast is refreshing.

Now, I treat “set home” as my ultimate security blanket – the kind of rez point that, if all my clothes fell off in an embarrassing social set-up (although what would still count as embarrassing here I no longer know) I could hastily tp home and reclaim my dignity in private. Consequently, I tend to set landing points indoors.

Although it definitely has a summer holiday feel to it, we decided to do some minimal Christmas decoration at the villa. I knew I had a reasonable tree inventoried away somewhere but I couldn’t locate it and anyway, Bram found a nice one so I forgot about it.

The other day, I rezzed in my Linden home, I had a little time to spare so thought I’d take a stroll outside. When I got the place it was on the edge of the development but recently I have become the hill to the valley below (I keep getting mental flashes from Poltergeist and hope the green pit beyond my window doesn’t start yielding skeletons). Imagine my surprise on opening my front door to find my Christmas tree on my lawn!! It must have been there all year – what must the neighbours think.

Sitting on the Quayside.....

.....at Penny Lane with my friend Shane.
Just a nice hour spent chatting.

Friends, Acquaintances and the Rest.... Part II

My friend Seren (yes, not often spoken to, but I definitely consider her that) has, as always, pushed my thinking on a notch.

I was going to put this in as a reply to her comment but realised I was heading into fresh ground.

I will confess to writing that piece in a fit of pique, specifically about someone that praises my friendship but about whom I only ever get updates about through another mutual friend.

I think Seren has pinned the issue down. In a previous avatar I used to spend my time mainly with one extended group, chat was more often in local than IM, my social group was wider than my list. I had no need to ping them at a distance as we generally all hung out in the same place.

In my roleplaying days too, most interaction took place in local and was location-based (although the relationships were of varying impact)

Now, 3¼ years old and in my 3^rd incarnation, my S/L usage is different. I am more of a butterfly, less based in one hangout, less trusting of local as I’ve seen a few griefing tricks played on people and know there can be a darkness to S/L.

Advice given to me in my 1^st few weeks of S/L by one of those enduring friends to keep it in IM because “you never know who is listening” still rings in my ears and I tend to use local for things I would be happy to shout on a crowded train (except I behave better than that on trains – honest!).

Where Seren’s comment took me into new territory was this; I believe that our S/L personas are very much our R/L ones. I know some people claim to adopt something different but I feel that our innate character sooner or later shines through warts and all.

In R/L I am NOT good at the girly side of friendship.

Guys, you can ring a mate up you’ve not seen in a while, go for a beer and all is well. 

In my understanding female friendships need upkeep, nurturing, and constant work. I’m not good at all that and the friendships that I do have tend to be with like-minded people.

To complete the circle, do I bring this behaviour with me into S/L? Of course, I’m sure I do – it’s part of “me”.

Any readers may hark back to the quiet friend who prompted this and shout “double-standard” “jealousy” at me. I’m no saint but I don’t think so in this case. 

Double-standard – am I criticising another for examples of my own behaviour? I don’t think so. I don’t wish to identify him here so will not explain further but the pattern is not consistent.

Jealous – no. I’d be happier had I never been flagged as anything special to be honest.

Now I’m off to sharpen my list-pruning axe.

Friends, Acquaintances and the Rest....

You have a very pleasant half hour chatting to someone, lots of common ground, good chat, nice bond. At some point the “Would you be my fwend” issue occurs to one of you (although the phrase probably not uttered since infants school and, Lindens please note, sooo needs changing) and another friend is added.

Friends/contacts lists – call it what you will, that big list that appears in the communicate box.

I got ruthless with mine not long ago but it’s crept up to 50+ again, looking down it aspects of “who is THAT?” start to come to mind especially with the copperplate leet names.

You would think that with a list that length, so recently pruned, that my chat tabs are buzzing, that I never have a moment to myself – not so. Like many have remarked S/L can often be an empty place and although there may be friends who claim you among their closest, they never ping unless you do first – sound familiar?

I guess the analogy is Facebook where similar lumpen lists can easily appear. I recently took an axe to my Facebook list – who fell....

• Anyone I couldn’t remember who they are,
• Anyone who was only there by association (ie someone’s ex boyfriend)
• People whose posts wind me up (can’t use language, are offensive*, make racist or homophobic posts),
• People who never ever interact with me/my comments/posts or anything else

I was left with a list of people I felt good about, people I had met and/or interact with in some way.

I really need to embed that ruthlessness into S/L

How would I categorise my current S/L list?

• A few gold standard friends who have been with me since the early days, re-friended by me through all my avatars, some have currently dormant accounts but they will stay.
• A few friends who claim me as close but whom I only hear about from others
• One-time introductions, store owners typically
• Recently added people who have not yet passed the test of time
• The now and then friends, people I used to roleplay with but who I catch up with from time to time after big gaps, the kind that I am there for them and they are for me.

If I look at the rest and think “Would I pay the cost of a stamp to post these people a Christmas card in R/L?” and the answer is no....then I guess that’s my answer

 

*ie moreso than me!

Oooops!.......

ALWAYS lock your house
ALWAYS go to a sandbox to build

On the plus side, I'd never learned to re-position doors before

A Good Read....

Thanks to Gracie Kendal for putting this my way, some good pieces

Changes.....

When we met, Bramble lived in a simple but lovely whitewashed Greek house on a Sim that perfectly summed up the feeling of August on a Greek Island.
Sadly the Sim closed.
Way back then I was having a tough time but I have very fond memories of time spent in that house during which I found out what a lovely kind, caring man Bram is.
The Castle is lovely, great fun and beautifully made but at over 600 prims, furnishing etc was always a juggling act.
That, coupled with a love of Greece, a fancy for change and a desire for a bit more prim-flexibility took us on a search for a Greek Villa.
I landscaped over the weekend and placed the key components.
Much more to be done but here is the story so far.

The Crooked House...

Fly in the Ointment....

"<www.blogger.com>

ERROR: Possible problem with your *.gwt.xml module file.
The compile time user.agent value (opera) does not match the runtime user.agent value (unknown). Expect more errors".

"Your browser is no longer supported by Blogger. Some parts of Blogger will not work and you may experience problems. 
 If you are having problems, try Google Chrome. | Dismiss"

Hmmmmm, always a fly in the ointment!
I LIKE Opera, I LIKE this blog format, I certainly don't wish to get any deeper into Google's files, they have enough!!
Either the blog or the browser needs to change.
I'm open to suggestions here people.

Fun.....

As Autumn Approaches...

It’s been a while since I last posted here and to be honest, a lot has been going on in my R/L.

The issue that provoked the “worm-turning” post, thankfully resolved, or at least on the pathway and as it’s summer I’ve been off having some fun and catching up with friends too.

I’m not sure what the Autumn holds; as it’s back to work for me I guess it’s also back to falling asleep at the keyboard “Hellooooo, are you there, anyone awake?” being a large part of my late-night conversation – I’ve had whole dialogues with Bram with us each dozing between sentences! Now the adult in me chides “Don’t be silly woman – get some sleep!” but at that hour of the night my inner child is in control and screaming “No nap!! No nap!!” like an overtired two-year-old.

I realised I’ve been in the Tree-Castle a year now, do I want to stay? Do I use the land or just need the prims? Could I remodel so we get more use from the place? I’m certainly getting very prim-picky and of course on that front there are all the new tech developments. I wouldn’t call myself a builder but I have built a few things – perhaps enough of a toe in the water to realise the enormity of what I DON’T know. I DO know there are changes afoot in the tech side of stuff and I’ve spent enough time doing “just one more edit” to see exactly what this is driving at.

I do know one thing, being a creature of habit, I tend to cruise the same haunts – I need some new ones so I’ll be doing some showcase and profile raiding and hopping around a bit, all suggestions welcome.

Worm-turning Day...

I try to see the best in people.
Ok I'm not naive, no doormat, but when people disappoint I'm the one making excuses for them, trying to smooth things over, giving space, chances for the right thing to happen.
I won't bore anyone with the details but tonight (R/L) I had my wake up call. I reached the point of no excuses, no space.....see, it was my turn to be walked over, my goodwill thrust back at me and without detail, it hit me in a most vulnerable place.
I am deeply pissed off.
In the absence of chocolate I've had to make do with gin.
So, a new me dawns - now I look after me, my interests - time to be selfish, no longer on the receiving end of the selfishness of others - let THEM do the "understanding", the making of allowances (for me!)

Inventory Offer From....

I was intrigued and had to log on to see..

...even more puzzled I thought I had been sent a picture of the stink monster from Spirited away

...then I remembered the conversation...


Ooo u look weird
Me :?
Hair, clothes, and weirldy eyeballs!!!! but no skin

Second Life - wonderful place!!

Gripes....

At the risk of sounding a bit pissy (Oh WTF – it’s my blog anyway!), there are a few things that are bugging me atm.

Now that we can choose names seeing who is online is becoming a bit of a minefield!

First you have the hieroglyphics that gravitate to the top of your list – thankfully I only have a few of these and can remember who they are.

Then you have the completely enigmatic – “Remembrance of Things Past.....is online” flashing on-screen really? Am I going to look up a profile to work out who that is?

Then you have the ones who started with a “normal” name, change to a normal name....but then change again to another unrelated normal name, each permissible time-frame!

I had an instance last week where a very old friend wanted to test out a kidnap anim. His chat tab gave his regular name, while I was waiting for him to accept my teleport this guy started chatting to me. Before I could do my “waiting for my friend” bit, I realised it was my friend – confused? Sure was!

While I’m on a rolling rant, another thing that bugs me (and yes, I realise I may upset a friend or two here but, hell, it’s just my view right?)

You are having a quiet evening somewhere, a blue box pops up for a club event, you dismiss it...

        ...THEN...

                  ...within seconds, group chat splatters the same thing across your viewing screen! Really guys, I want to stay in touch with events......BUT!!

Confession...

Please don't laugh at this but I killed a spider.

I hate spiders, they freak me out in varying degrees according to size and movement and I can tell you that a very large spider avatar reduced me to a quivering wreck on a couch in S/L once.
Having said all that, I don't kill them. There are 2 reasons for this.

1. I don't kill things, not earwigs, not ants (no, not even when they grow wings and swarm), well ok, maybe I don't count mosquitos in this but I don't kill other things.
2. My partner has a big issue with spiders being killed (an ancient family story of his which I respect) and he is consequently more than happy to escort them to safety. In fact I can't remember killing a spider since I met him until now.

There was one on the bedroom ceiling the other day, on approach the crafty thing dropped like a stone, as they do. "It's gone" he said "It bloody well isn't!" I thought.

Well my rescuer is not here and it, or one of it's brethren, just showed up. On the floor? the ceiling? across the room? Nooooo of course not. On the bedside table that abutts my mattress, inches from my elbow. Long front leg-type too so I knew there wouldn't be much time (and I didn't have my wine glass and postcard kit to hand). There was a mug nearby and......well it's done. I would have preferred putting it outside but knew if it ran, I couldn't sleep in my bed   - it or me! I still feel bad though.

Welcome to Immersion.......

You are watching a fim on TV......
It reaches one of those black-cat-in-a-coal-hole moments where you can't see what's going on.....
You reach for the remote......
World > Environment Settings > Midday ......

......Oh!!! :(

Stats...

I read someone's advice a long while back that said not to enable stats because they would be frustrating, it didn't bother me like that as I'm always surprised when people read this anyway, writing it more for me than you I'm afraid.
I think the stats are quite interesting and although I know that coutry shown does not necessarily mean the same as viewer location, I have been fascinated to see the countries that appear - seeing China come up was a real buzz.
Anyway, today the page views turned into 4 figures which I find that amazing in the 9 months this has been up.
So, whatever insomniac meanderings have brought our paths to cross, hello and it's been good to meet you.

"I like your dress"......

......and so it began.

That was exactly 2 years ago today.

There have been the usual hiccups, the normal things, but we talk – carefully, attentively and with care and mutual respect – it works, it’s still working and I’m very very happy.

Inventory Battles....

I believe that we ultimately bring our R/L character traits into S/L - it's only a matter of time.
In R/L I aspire to being the kind of person that can live a clutter-free life in a streamlined, stripped boards and white walls kind of style, the reality is significantly different in that I am surrounded by "stuff" that, although part of me would love to be shot of, I am hard-wired into acquiring and keeping more of.
At least on S/L it is all listed in an inventory, nothing hides under the bed or in the back of cupboards!.
My latest attack goes like this.....

Stuff I have rezzed and like and use goes into various sub-folders under the heading "AA Sorted" (yes, the whole lot is alpha-sorted) with  my core essentials (hair, skin, eyes, AO etc) in their own folder.
This method has served me well for the stuff I use often but there is an ever-increasing pile of "also-rans" that I trip over every time I try to look in the wardrobe.
My latest attempt to deal with this is the boxes-in-the-attic method - create a box, slide all the assorted crap stuff into it's contents, label the box (now 1 prim) - great for the "don't use it, don't want to bin it" stuff.
I've been working on this, today I needed a new box - I gave up sorting and did a huge and satisfying sweep into my latest box...."Random shit I never look at"

This Blogging Thing....

Blogging - it's a very bit catch-all term to cover what is really a variety of types of writing, ranging from the personal diarist who finds the internet a convenient place to base it, through those who love to write, to those that are very newsy and information based.
There are of course others, the self-publicist, the campaigner, those that just need to get something off their chest or shape some thoughts. The ones I read are a mixture and I seek out different ones according to my mood.
I was reading someone's the other day and it made me think about what motivates us to write. I've never been a diarist (beyond the coded shorthand of a teenage life) and until about 5 years back would have clearly said that I don't like writing - it was about that time that I found I had a poem or two in me and my approach to writing started to change (funnily enough, filling the gap left by earlier creative forms of expression that I had allowed to lapse).
I started this (well in it's other form) 16 months ago. I like taking pictures on second life and there were some I wanted to share. A friend mentioned Bletaverse to me and I began what was mainly a photoblog. I've noticed though that the words are taking over - it's interesting to stand and observe changes in yourself.
So why do I write?.....and therefore, who do I write for?
I think I need to approach that the other way round.
I write for me. if I'm not in the mood, I don't do it and if I'm feeling a bit late-night-reflective, then maybe I do - that's it.
I know some writers cast their words to the winds with not a thought or care who reads it, whereas although I write for me, I do it in the knowledge that others may well read it, but not on the assumption that anyone will. This, and my character, influence what I might say, just in the same way that I will speak my mind in one way 1-1 to a close friend, but decency and good manners dictate that if I were on a crowded bus with the same friend, I'd do it differently.
Publish and be damned may be fine if you are the Duke of Wellington but for me, I prefer to keep some things private.
The internet is the crowded bus - you never know who is on it. Probably a handful of anonymous strangers, some of whom may be reasonable people, maybe with a sprinkling of people you casually know - who knows!
Once it's out there......

Excited!!!

 

I've been curious about S/L clothes-making for some time, each time I looked at it, layers in Gimp or Photoshop seemed an insurmountable hurdle - I just couldn't get the concept.
At the weekend I had a chance chat with Cissy (ie we started talking about something else!) who said "It's simple, you just...." - well, suddenly the way she explained it, it made sense and the clouds parted.
Apart from a genuine curiosity I wanted to make something for Bramble that I knew I'd be unable to buy.
His football team is NOT one of the ones you see things for all over the place and I wanted to make him a shirt and wanted him to have it in good time for their very big match this coming Sunday.
Definitely woman-on-a-mission!
New projects take you new places and although Cissy's advice really helped me get the hang of the texture stages, I'd failed to realise I'd need a prim collar. Doh! I hadn't a clue where to get one or even what to put in a search! Thanks Shauna for chatting through that one.
The finished product was presented last night, I know it's far from perfect but it got a great reception and that, and the sense of personal achievement, gave me a huge buzz.

Facebook Deleting Avatar Profiles........

Being in a different timezone to most of S/L I’m used to finding out news that has already happened.

Today I woke and like many, checked facebook.

I have 3 accounts, real me, work/client me, and Lacewing. I have one S/L friend that is on two accounts and it was reading her feed that alerted me.

I don’t use Lacewing much as most of my S/L friends don’t have avatar accounts on Facebook. I logged in as Lacewing and read more....

It was starting to appear on blog feeds by then.

Now, this tale does have an incongruous core. For some time there has been a message on the S/L log-in loading bar encouraging us to set up a Facebook profile for our avatars, there have also been mumblings  in various places about growing closeness of Linden and Facebook – I’m left wondering what’s going on?

There have been loads of Facebook scare stories, usually about threats of charging – they come round regularly like cloudy days. They also play pretty fast and loose with account set-up (one minute stuff is private, next minute you need to re-set things that weren’t there before) – it is a deeply flawed entity but millions of us make the necessary compromises and use it.

I don’t think it’s a scare – reason? Someone I trust says she has seen profiles go – so I believe her.

So what next? Check out your profile. If it’s there, download a copy of anything you consider valuable (pictures etc)....and watch and wait.

What choice is there?

Oh My Goodness....

A friend gave me a LM to check out, didn't say much.
I TP'd there last night and I'm still exploring.
It's a fascinating building, just when you think you've done it, there's a bit more, then you go through a doorway and there's an elephant with an empty howdah.
I'm still not sure what the place is - beyond fascinating - but I want to explore it all over again.

Made Me Smile.....

.......I can't quite pin down why though

(from a group notice, details removed)

Around and About....

Exploring Penny Lane on a scooter.
Proving I'm just as unsafe on 2 virtual wheels as 2 real ones.
Sadly rediscovering gaming motion sickness not felt since Doom ll.
Fun though!!

Only in S/L....

With twitching ears and blinking eyes too

I Followed a Link....

.....in search of a flag for tomorrow.
It took me to this beautiful Cornish Fishing Village
I love the steep terracing, it reminds me of Port Isaac, the shops are quirky, just like they are in Cornish Fishing Village.

I put 2 flags up, one at the Castle and one outside the Infirmary at Piedmont, well that's the trouble with having a Brit Physician!

Just as well the boss has a sense of humour :)

Travel Broadens the Mind.....

...and feeds the soul too.

I do a stressful job in R/L and was feeling pretty ground down on the run up to Easter and was lucky enough to get away during the Easter break.

Although I didn't venture beyond my own shores, I had a pretty good time; explored new places, had some fantastic sunshine, saw some lovely things and got my dose of history and culture too.

I came back then went off again to stay with some old friends for a few days.

Well I'm back home now and, barring a certain wedding am back in harness at work as of tomorrow.

Before, I felt worn down, now I feel that unique mixture of refreshed and exhausted that travel gives – sort of happy/tired, funny things moods and feelings!

So, that's R/L, we all know how the “before” bit feels, that hunger for the kind of refreshment that going away brings, but we also get something similar in S/L, not necessarily tired from work (although the serious creators among us, maybe yes because that stuff is tiring) but what my partner calls feeling a bit jaded.

I tend to fall into habits on S/L, rez in the same place, same favourite short-list of clubs, same places and I suspect others do too, so what is the S/L equivalent of packing a case and going off for a week?

• Grabbing LM search with both typing fingers?
• Using Showcase?
• Looking at friend's picks?
• Do you untick your list for a week?
• Or use an alt for a S/L holiday?

I guess the simple answer is just don't log on, go off and read a book or do something else, hmm, not logging on, now that would be a challenge.

Afk.....

On holiday from work, just as well as I'm completely knackered, and off away for a few days...to a place with no net & no phone signal!!!!
I'll either come back refreshed and fully chilled out ...or a nervous wreck from addiction withdrawl...watch this space.

30-Day Song Challenge

I'm sure this did the rounds last year, maybe different challenges, dunno.

I didn't do it then and didn't now either. I find the number, the sequence in some way intimidating, know that there will be blank moments, things I won't want to share publicly (in that public among friends way) and that will offend the sequence and my sense of order.

However, HERE I am the inner me not the daily sensible me, HERE I can edit, HERE I can cherry-pick entries, so here are my selected entries.

Day 1 – Favourite song

I like lots of music, I like this one a lot, the words are very powerful and I have often said I could listen to Brian Molko sing the telephone directory. Placebo, Bright Lights.

Day 2 – Your least favorite song instant off switch

I'm not like the souls that want to throw CD's out of the car window, but this does make me get up/switch off/switch over.

Day 4 – A song that makes you sad

I love this song but find it very powerful, it always makes me well up. Cat Stevens, Father & Son

Day 5 – A song that reminds you of someone

I always say I like all music, except Country! Inevitably I met up with a fan, eventually I said, ok, explain to me what you “get” about all this and learned about the country/rock crossover strand. 

This song is NOT an example of that genre but a fun piece from that period of my life – try it :)

Day 6 – A song that reminds you of somewhere

Camden Market, Cyberdog, happy times. Darude - Sandstorm.

Day 7 – A song that reminds you of a certain event

1^st  boyfriend, yeah he dumped me :( Nilsson - Without You.

Day 9 – A song that you can dance to

Stones, of course – this is usually the point my feet start to itch although whether it's dancing is another matter. Stones - Jumpin' Jack Flash

Day 11 – A song from your favourite band

No such thing as too much Stones! Woo Wooooo

Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure.

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love

I don't know anymore what people expect of me, but this was a fun night. Rammstein - Feuer Frei.

Day 15 – A song that describes you in one song.

Well, one SOME days.... 

Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play

Tried, transposed a score, laboured.... Mozart - Voi che sapete

Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty.

We all have our dark days, this hits the spot on mine. Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good

Gripes....

I doubt that this will be read by any of the "ehem" target audience (and to the club/store owners on my friends list, this rant is NOT aimed at you) but......

1 Groups that have the ability to deselect group-chat-and-notices disabled and spam you with incessant blue boxes and inane drivel in chat (yes, re-opens afresh with each post after you've closed the chat pane). I'm in your group because I like your place, I know where you are and yes I DO appreciate knowing about events...but have some restraint!!!

2 Places that at some point you have subscribed to, little realising how often you would get mailings. I don't mean SL group joinings, they are easy! I mean the other kind, the kind that has an unsubscribe button tucked away on the 4th floor of some laggy location where you have to wade through treacle, stopping and waiting for the grey to colour up every few steps in case you miss the bloody unsubscribe button! I have spent the last 20 minutes in one - it's all dark purple and black with semi-transparent panels, re-setting to midday lighting changes nothing....and it's grown from 1 to 6 rabbit-warren floors Arrrgggghhhhh.

I'm on a mission this weekend to hunt down and unsubscribe each of these as they arise so, if I suddenly tp off, please excuse me - blame a blue box.

Party Time........

My friend Sus rezzed 2 years ago.
She met Evana on her Rez-day and they have been friends ever since, celebrating together each year.
I'm just home from this year's party.

Changes...but for the better?.....

I was online earlier at a point when few friends were around and decided to go wandering. You know the kind of time, look up old haunts, old landmarks.
I clicked on one of the places I like to go when I want somewhere pretty, peaceful and where I can just relax.
I got that ominous teleport cannot be completed message that either means the sim is down....or increasingly these days - gone.
I tried 3 times, then someone came online who could confirm my suspicions, yes that sim had gone.
Now here's the thing (and I don't want to identify the place as I don't want to seem critical to friends so I will speak in generalities) there have been 2 sims there for quite a long time, one is commercial - club, shops, lots of shops, densely covered, the other residential - beautiful, carefully-made buildings, nice landscape, places to just "be". 
You can guess which one went.
I'm told it was cost, Linden "pressure" was mentioned. Is this the shape of things to come? Everywhere a shopping mall? The places of beauty that we all have tucked away in our landmarks file disappearing? Where is the space for second life creativity in that?

Here and...the Other Place.....

My R/L home has some small windows, too small for normal window dressing, I solved this with some carefully swagged mini-drapes and was feeling pleased with the result.
I began to think they looked a little familiar.....
I had chosen the same solution when I had done my Linden home the 1st time - right down to the colour! 

Growing and Changing....

An unusual experience tonight.
Forgive me if I am light on the details and talk in generalities. Although I do realise a blog bares all to the world, I have never quite got to the "soul stripped bare" stage even behind an alternate identity and there are sensibilities to be considered, past and present.

I'm not sure where the beginning is -  tonight with coming home tired, or further back? 
Further back for context.
I came onto S/L (before Lacewing) to explore things in my head. Was I submissive? How deep did that go? To resolve some things that my R/L did not easily facilitate. Like many people I suspect, I anticipated a superficial experience.
In my 1st year on here, I  experienced growth in a great many ways, all unexpected, and going much deeper than I realised they would be.
I learned a sense of belonging in places I didn't expect to feel comfortable in, I had my thresholds and comfort zones with regard to my own actions gently and progressively challenged to the point where the walls I had built within and around myself that were inhibiting my personal growth were chipped away. 
I became someone who was fearless of circumstances and who could cope with most places and events. Eventually my "limits" became solely governed by my innate tastes and morality rather than a lifetime of learned and acquired inhibitions. 
I became free.

Fast forward.
Tonight there is a silks party at a club that I have been attached to in all it's rebuilds and forms in all of mine. My partner suggests we go.
It has to be said I'm tired after a long day. Not fall-asleep tired, just flat and weary tired. 
I dig out my silks.
Well, it's like R/L on the night of a party you haven't prepared for. None of them fit properly, all of them have other associations.
We go.
I suddenly feel vulnerable in an unexpected way and would not have gone in without my partner.
I'm sure I have walked naked in this club. I know most of the people in the club. I used to pole dance here. What has happened to me, in me?

Have I lost my nerve, regressed? Have I lost the freedom of that chipped-away wall? I don't think so. I think what I am seeing and feeling is the selective rebuilding of my personal low wall, the one that is not all-surrounding and built of inhibitions and someone else's legacy morality, but the one where I select the stones and place them. It's growth.

Freedom is not everything stripped away, it is choosing what pieces to put back.
I can bare all, I choose not to. I know this, tonight I feel it too.

Church on Sunday....

Second life is full of surprises.

Just when you think you have a handle of things, something creeps up behind you and surprises you while your guard is down.

I've been to The White Armory a few times, HUGE store and often a free gown for members, a magnet as such for Gorean ladies with a thirst for dresses, but that is an aside here.

I had explored a few times and seen the Cathedral before, it's beautifully done and I had taken photos for here.

For some time there have been notices out in group about services, there is one at noon SLT every Sunday. I had never been.

I don't quite know why last Sunday, I had done what I was doing in my City, my partner had logged, I was hovering between things I might do and then the notice came and I thought “why not” and went.

I have written before about the fantasy/reality line (or blurring of it) and here it was in evidence again....Church filling up from the back, men out-numbered by women 4:1. I was not on a Sim, I was in Church, no question about it.

What followed was, for me, a moving half hour for which I was completely unprepared. It focussed on the Eucharist/Communion/Lord's Supper (depending on your background). It must be 2 years since I was last in a Communion Service – a variety of reasons, God and I both know where the other is but not a lot of formal visiting has been done lately.  

By chance I had arrived at the 1^st Communion service at this Cathedral and took Communion for the 1^st time in ages.

Without going into a full theological discussion on the subject, I come from the strand that focusses on the symbolic act rather than the physical elements, that the change occurs within the communicant. It occurred to me that this really was Communion stripped bare to it's very essence.

For a whole host of personal reasons that would mean nothing here, I can only reflect on the event and say a personal “Wow!”

Paint the Whole World with a Rainbow.....

Have you ever wondered what it must be like to be a Linden? I don't think I'd like it, well....the heady power, the sense of creation etc. would all be very nice but being able to take a creator's perspective on some of the things we do here must be quite frustrating, I am sure there are times when they must want to bang pixellated heads together and tell people to grow up.

Imagine, Chris** Linden sits on his/her sky-platform, more thousand feet up than we can imagine and watches......... (imagining opening scene here from.... well, lots of films). The perfectly-crafted clouds part showing Chris' favourite environmentally-adjusted sky and as he/she admires the latest creations on his/her favourite locations, a satisfied sigh escapes Linden lips at the latest wonders below. But then some avatars come into focus. They are on a beach at the water's edge (hmm that wave arrangement needs tidying but Chris tries not to let it get under Linden skin), always amazed at the level of intonation that people manage to get into text, Chris eavesdrops – its in local and he/she is a Linden after all.....

Geoffrey, George, Bungle and Zippy seem to be airing some differences, Zippy seems to have activated some poses to show displeasure, if zips can pout he is pouting! George is seated slightly to the edge of the (standing) group sitting on a purple pineapple and is looking glum, Geoffrey's AO gives an aloof air as he paces and Bungle.....well, he's a Furry and is looking....furry.

Now Second Life does draw odd groupings together – that is part of the joy of it so no one except maybe a newbie would give a second glance to such a grouping and Chris really has seen it all before and worse!

Chris listens and while doing so, wonders about the offline lives these avatars inhabit, he/she has done this often enough to realise that whatever characteristics people decide their avatars will have, it is only a matter of time until their real life personalities become clear, it shows in their sense of fairness...honour if you will, and especially in the way they deal with conflict and that is becoming clear at the moment.

George just can't understand why drama happens, why can't everyone just be nice? He will never understand how people make their lives complicated – never mind not being able to resolve conflict, he can't see how it gets to that point! This argument doesn't affect him directly, but it still upsets him – he is glad he brought his purple pineapple to sit on it makes him feel better.

Zippy just continues to shout his case to any who will listen, and to plenty who are not listening too (not that he notices that). It's by now an old story and to be honest one that will never change, a true “A said/B said” case where people feel aggrieved but will not relinquish what they believe, same old same old.

Chris mischievously wonders if anyone would notice if that zip suddenly got stuck.

Geoffrey paces, caught up in his thoughts, he's glad he bought this AO, it looks good, it supports the air given by the choices he has carefully made in building up his avatar, his hair, shoes all very carefully chosen. He can hear his friends chatting away in the background but is formulating an idea.

Bungle has had enough. He knows his furry face lends him an inscrutable air but he is tired with this circle of events, again and again and again. He thinks that if this can't get sorted out by the people here someone else will need to step in. They are on this beach now because one of them is banned from Rod's sim, another from Jane's and Freddy has made it clear he wants none of them there. He is thinking that an abuse report to a Linden might resolve it but has heard different stories about doing this.

Chris decides this is the point to withdraw, not another AR filed to Linden! The place is awash with them. Chris is thankful that these reports are not his/her problem (Chris is a specialist in certain fancy textures) – phew!!

Perhaps the guys are right, eavesdropping is not good, it's depressing! People never change, it just goes on and on.

…........

I must say clearly here that no individuals or individual avatars are portrayed here, this is a portrait of “Everyman”, a generic reflection.

As I wrote I considered where my own character lay, I firmly believe that we rarely shed our real character when we put on our avatar, it usually comes through. I think for myself (and for many of us) there are many different bits and pieces of the Rainbow present in me, which bit rises to the surface depends on the circumstances.

** At time of writing no Chris Linden exists.

  

Paint the whole world with a Rainbow.......

(Rainbow was a children's programme aired in the UK in the 1980's )

Enough!

People say that they try to acknowledge their mistakes, yet reiterate the same "mistaken" belief in the same post.
Oh dear.
I had hoped all that rubbish and mud-slinging had ended, that emotions had settled, stubbornness eased that common sense (sadly, seldom common) had prevailed.
I have bitten back comments on the advice of others who have counselled  "ignore it, it will go away" but it doesn't, it hasn't.

There is always a risk in putting 2 and 2 together and seeing a great deal more than that in the answer, even those who are mathematically inclined seem to do that.

To give a pertinent example, just because an avatar teleports into my home, falls asleep there on my sofa....to presume that we did more than talk is to make more than 4 from that equation. 
Not only has more than 4 been made but people have been maligned on the basis of that supposition for months.
I assume that to find him and see him there, may have involved teleporting to his location (uninvited by me, the owner) but I am not throwing any accusations around because it is pure supposition and I have no evidence. 
Others could learn from this approach, but I doubt that they will.

It is worth remembering that when 2 people are together, on S/L just as in R/L, they are the only ones that truly know what passed between them. I am one of the 2 in question, it is not anyone else's business but in the interests of FINALLY killing this dead and restoring reputations, here is what happened.

On a date in August, I got a message from a good friend, we had not been more than that for quite some time. he was clearly upset and wanted to talk so I offered a teleport. 
Friends do that for friends whether they are dressed or not.
He arrived at 12.27 SLT - very late for him and the beginning of my evening for me and I was in full Gorean garb ready to go to my village. 
Our chat lasted until 12.41, 14 minutes, and he fell asleep, logging at 13.23. 
Our chat is private but my advice to him included suggesting he burn no boats and get some sleep.

And that folks, is it.

I know people have been told they owe me an apology, I doubt that I will get one and, to be honest, for all this to just go away would be good enough. My friends know me and do not doubt my integrity. 
However the name and standing of another has also been muddied by all this "mistaken" belief and that put simply is unfair.
If, as reflected upon in the opening sentence, people are ready to try to acknowledge their mistakes, then they have some work to do.


I don't know if I will leave this post up, the whole issue carries an unpleasant taint so I am stating now, at time of writing, that it may be taken down at a future point. 

Building..

Our Castle has a Skybox. 
Given the prims involved with the tree-castle itself (600+) we really should be on a bigger plot so prims are tight and I am constantly on the lookout for ways to save them. 
The original skybox is a 3-prim one based on a hollowed-out, maxed-out cube but barely gives room to swing a pixel-cat, let alone get a camera in to see yourself do it without a lot of juggling.
Since making the previous one, I have learned a lot more about using coordinates in building - not just doing it by sight as I was before. 
Time for my 1st experiment with mega-prims. I'm not good with understanding sizes on S/L being primarily a visual person, I knew I wanted it big, much bigger without prim-cost but used the 40, 40 ones and we may well rattle around a bit until we get used to it.
Maybe it's my laptop but they seem to take a while to rez, 1st experiment was on our beach and nothing seemed to be happening. I had to log. I came back to find they had rezzed but in the Castle, or rather in most cases, the Castle was in the mega-prim (there are good reasons to build in sandboxes - NOT dropping huge bricks on your partner being one of them!)
I had been toying with the idea of a pool for some time too and thought i could put one one the roof so did that too. I could have saved prims here by sculpting but wanted to texture faces differently so needed to stick to what I knew how to do.
I played with a bought tile texture to create a new one using it as a border, I love mosaics and found a Roman one that had a central motif that I aligned to form the floor of the pool.
I really must label or otherwise log the textures I use on things! I waste a lot of time hunting for things. 

So far, Skybox and pool, 9 prims.
A few tweaks left to do, I want to check location and need to find some nice pool poses.

 

You Have to Keep an Eye on Them........

You'd have thought you could leave a Tarnship unguarded wouldn't you....

 

Tarnship....

 Welcomed aboard Commander Varndavar Magic's brand new Tarnship, to be part of a new way forward in Second Life Gor.

Sworn in at Piedmont

I Followed a Link......

.....which I expected to be dead and........Oh YES!!!

Bramble is soooo lucky I don't have the prims!!  RELIC

New Year.....

New Year, I'm trying to greet it fresh and tidy.
I've tidied up various aspects of life online - and to anyone that suggests that's a simpler escape than tidying up in reality, I could have cleared a fair few cupboards in the time it took to do a thorough sorting out on facebook!
I've tidied up on here too. 
The New Year may bring a few ideas implemented here that I have seen work elsewhere, I have found talking to other bloggers that some of us are on the same path of feeling our way about what fits, what doesn't and what to do about it, we'll see!

A good link to close with - 2 edges of my musical taste closing the circle.

Well, I had to go into HMV for someone else's Christmas present so..... 

Davies/Hetfield - You really got me