Friends, Acquaintances and the Rest.... Part II

My friend Seren (yes, not often spoken to, but I definitely consider her that) has, as always, pushed my thinking on a notch.

I was going to put this in as a reply to her comment but realised I was heading into fresh ground.

I will confess to writing that piece in a fit of pique, specifically about someone that praises my friendship but about whom I only ever get updates about through another mutual friend.

I think Seren has pinned the issue down. In a previous avatar I used to spend my time mainly with one extended group, chat was more often in local than IM, my social group was wider than my list. I had no need to ping them at a distance as we generally all hung out in the same place.

In my roleplaying days too, most interaction took place in local and was location-based (although the relationships were of varying impact)

Now, 3¼ years old and in my 3^rd incarnation, my S/L usage is different. I am more of a butterfly, less based in one hangout, less trusting of local as I’ve seen a few griefing tricks played on people and know there can be a darkness to S/L.

Advice given to me in my 1^st few weeks of S/L by one of those enduring friends to keep it in IM because “you never know who is listening” still rings in my ears and I tend to use local for things I would be happy to shout on a crowded train (except I behave better than that on trains – honest!).

Where Seren’s comment took me into new territory was this; I believe that our S/L personas are very much our R/L ones. I know some people claim to adopt something different but I feel that our innate character sooner or later shines through warts and all.

In R/L I am NOT good at the girly side of friendship.

Guys, you can ring a mate up you’ve not seen in a while, go for a beer and all is well. 

In my understanding female friendships need upkeep, nurturing, and constant work. I’m not good at all that and the friendships that I do have tend to be with like-minded people.

To complete the circle, do I bring this behaviour with me into S/L? Of course, I’m sure I do – it’s part of “me”.

Any readers may hark back to the quiet friend who prompted this and shout “double-standard” “jealousy” at me. I’m no saint but I don’t think so in this case. 

Double-standard – am I criticising another for examples of my own behaviour? I don’t think so. I don’t wish to identify him here so will not explain further but the pattern is not consistent.

Jealous – no. I’d be happier had I never been flagged as anything special to be honest.

Now I’m off to sharpen my list-pruning axe.