One of THOSE neighbours....

I have a Linden home.

Some time back when where and with whom I would live was all a bit up in the air, Linden launched the free-homes-for-premium-members scheme and I reasoned that it compared well with renting and I’d never risk the landlady going AWOL or just plain evicting me.

Linden homes are good. If you like modern housing and estate living that is low maintenance they are great and have some nice little touches too. But if you’ve read much of this blog you’ll know that my housing whims have ranged from Dutch Ponder House, through New Orleans French Colonial, a Castle and currently a Greek Villa. However a change is always nice and I do occasionally use my Linden home – the contrast is refreshing.

Now, I treat “set home” as my ultimate security blanket – the kind of rez point that, if all my clothes fell off in an embarrassing social set-up (although what would still count as embarrassing here I no longer know) I could hastily tp home and reclaim my dignity in private. Consequently, I tend to set landing points indoors.

Although it definitely has a summer holiday feel to it, we decided to do some minimal Christmas decoration at the villa. I knew I had a reasonable tree inventoried away somewhere but I couldn’t locate it and anyway, Bram found a nice one so I forgot about it.

The other day, I rezzed in my Linden home, I had a little time to spare so thought I’d take a stroll outside. When I got the place it was on the edge of the development but recently I have become the hill to the valley below (I keep getting mental flashes from Poltergeist and hope the green pit beyond my window doesn’t start yielding skeletons). Imagine my surprise on opening my front door to find my Christmas tree on my lawn!! It must have been there all year – what must the neighbours think.

Sitting on the Quayside.....

.....at Penny Lane with my friend Shane.
Just a nice hour spent chatting.

Friends, Acquaintances and the Rest.... Part II

My friend Seren (yes, not often spoken to, but I definitely consider her that) has, as always, pushed my thinking on a notch.

I was going to put this in as a reply to her comment but realised I was heading into fresh ground.

I will confess to writing that piece in a fit of pique, specifically about someone that praises my friendship but about whom I only ever get updates about through another mutual friend.

I think Seren has pinned the issue down. In a previous avatar I used to spend my time mainly with one extended group, chat was more often in local than IM, my social group was wider than my list. I had no need to ping them at a distance as we generally all hung out in the same place.

In my roleplaying days too, most interaction took place in local and was location-based (although the relationships were of varying impact)

Now, 3¼ years old and in my 3^rd incarnation, my S/L usage is different. I am more of a butterfly, less based in one hangout, less trusting of local as I’ve seen a few griefing tricks played on people and know there can be a darkness to S/L.

Advice given to me in my 1^st few weeks of S/L by one of those enduring friends to keep it in IM because “you never know who is listening” still rings in my ears and I tend to use local for things I would be happy to shout on a crowded train (except I behave better than that on trains – honest!).

Where Seren’s comment took me into new territory was this; I believe that our S/L personas are very much our R/L ones. I know some people claim to adopt something different but I feel that our innate character sooner or later shines through warts and all.

In R/L I am NOT good at the girly side of friendship.

Guys, you can ring a mate up you’ve not seen in a while, go for a beer and all is well. 

In my understanding female friendships need upkeep, nurturing, and constant work. I’m not good at all that and the friendships that I do have tend to be with like-minded people.

To complete the circle, do I bring this behaviour with me into S/L? Of course, I’m sure I do – it’s part of “me”.

Any readers may hark back to the quiet friend who prompted this and shout “double-standard” “jealousy” at me. I’m no saint but I don’t think so in this case. 

Double-standard – am I criticising another for examples of my own behaviour? I don’t think so. I don’t wish to identify him here so will not explain further but the pattern is not consistent.

Jealous – no. I’d be happier had I never been flagged as anything special to be honest.

Now I’m off to sharpen my list-pruning axe.

Friends, Acquaintances and the Rest....

You have a very pleasant half hour chatting to someone, lots of common ground, good chat, nice bond. At some point the “Would you be my fwend” issue occurs to one of you (although the phrase probably not uttered since infants school and, Lindens please note, sooo needs changing) and another friend is added.

Friends/contacts lists – call it what you will, that big list that appears in the communicate box.

I got ruthless with mine not long ago but it’s crept up to 50+ again, looking down it aspects of “who is THAT?” start to come to mind especially with the copperplate leet names.

You would think that with a list that length, so recently pruned, that my chat tabs are buzzing, that I never have a moment to myself – not so. Like many have remarked S/L can often be an empty place and although there may be friends who claim you among their closest, they never ping unless you do first – sound familiar?

I guess the analogy is Facebook where similar lumpen lists can easily appear. I recently took an axe to my Facebook list – who fell....

• Anyone I couldn’t remember who they are,
• Anyone who was only there by association (ie someone’s ex boyfriend)
• People whose posts wind me up (can’t use language, are offensive*, make racist or homophobic posts),
• People who never ever interact with me/my comments/posts or anything else

I was left with a list of people I felt good about, people I had met and/or interact with in some way.

I really need to embed that ruthlessness into S/L

How would I categorise my current S/L list?

• A few gold standard friends who have been with me since the early days, re-friended by me through all my avatars, some have currently dormant accounts but they will stay.
• A few friends who claim me as close but whom I only hear about from others
• One-time introductions, store owners typically
• Recently added people who have not yet passed the test of time
• The now and then friends, people I used to roleplay with but who I catch up with from time to time after big gaps, the kind that I am there for them and they are for me.

If I look at the rest and think “Would I pay the cost of a stamp to post these people a Christmas card in R/L?” and the answer is no....then I guess that’s my answer

 

*ie moreso than me!